I’ll be honest; I don’t know what to write.  It’s Sunday morning and I’m still drafting a reflection.  Usually I’ve been writing down notes for the past week and have it written by Friday.  This year, I feel stuck and sad and unsure and overwhelmed.

I am sad for many reasons. Most on my mind is the death of a wonderful person, Daryl Miller, who passed this week. Damn cancer.  I had the pleasure of getting to know and work with him through WPC and The Matrix Center at UCCS.  He was an amazing, sweet, kind person and he was also such a compassionate, thoughtful and committed “drum major” for justice (to quote King).  Truly. I don’t describe him that way lightly. This is not just a personal loss which brings waves of emotions, chief among them grief and regret; his was a loss to the world which feels even more devastating in our current times.

We need more Daryls.

Part of me just wants to end with that.

Because it’s true. And because I am unsure what to write that is useful and adds value. I am increasingly weary of platitudes and earnest, but ultimately useless, laments.

I am having trouble striking the right tone- each year I work hard to be contemplative and encouraging without coming off as self-righteous or too strident.  Partly this is strategic- people are more likely to read and be open to the content that way-  however, if I’m honest it’s also because part of me wants to be liked and I think that if I come off too strong, I’ll turn people off.  (This comes from a ton of gender messaging about how women/femme folks are supposed to behave. Plenty to analyze there, but I’ll save that for another time.)

At any rate, part of my trouble writing is that this year I don’t feel particularly conciliatory.  So rather than write from a place of suggestions and self-reflection, I’m just going to pretend like you asked and tell you what I really think.

This past year we had plenty of stark examples of how discrimination and oppression operate as systems in our country.  From the battle over who should be valorized and set as our heroes in bronze or stone (and what history we choose to tell) to the high-profile demise of powerful men engaged in sexual harassment and assault to the daily explicit examples of racism, we are surrounded.

While these are hard to ignore, they make it easier to ignore our own complicity. Make it easier to feel smug in our horror at what is happening and to ignore our own behavior.

By way of example, after allegations began to make headlines and it became clear that these were not isolated instances, and all could not be blamed on Harvey Weinstein, most men I know shook their heads and decried the behavior.  And that was it. That is not enough.

Men, you’ve ignored a sexist comment, you’ve laughed at a crude joke about women even when it made you feel uncomfortable, you were surprised when you encountered a woman in charge, you’ve ignored when a mediocre man was given a promotion and have acted out of an internalized belief that men are superior.

I know this because as I white person I have done the same around race.  Now it’s been a long time since I’ve let a racist joke go by, true, but that’s a pretty low bar folks.  Plus, the explicit is often actually easier to address and feel self-righteous about.  It’s all the other ways that I participate in the system that is the more insidious problem. Racism doesn’t happen because of individual racists.  Racism happens because of a system made up of individuals who are complicit.  As a white person, if I don’t understand my role in racism and don’t tangibly embrace racism as MY problem then it doesn’t matter how much head shaking and outrage-professing I engage in.

That goes for you too- in all the ways that you ignore discrimination and oppression because they don’t target your identity.

If all that happens is statues come down and we don’t talk about what they truly mean in terms of not just our history but our present, then nothing has changed beyond the symbolic.

If all that happens is men lose their jobs and we shake our heads, then the system doesn’t change.

If all that happens is that we read a list of names of people murdered, targeted because of bias towards their trans identity, but don’t seek to change the systemic reasons why transgender people are more vulnerable to violence, then nothing has changed.

If all that happens is we share disgust with the racist policies enacted and maintained by our government and do not demand change through all venues available as a democracy, then the status quo is maintained.

If all that happens is that we share some Martin Luther King, Jr. quotes out of context and don’t actually seek to dismantle racism in its current form, then it was just a holiday.

It’s time to RESOLVE.  Resolve to DO something. Resolve to TAKE actions.  Some of you already have.  It doesn’t hurt to do it again.

So, resolve. Today, every damn day, resolve.

White folks, resolve to make racism your issue.

Men and male-identified, resolve to makes sexism your issue.

Middle class and upper middle class, resolve to make classism your issue.

Cisgender folks, resolve to make transphobia your issue.

Straight folks, resolve to make heterosexism your issue.

Able-bodied, resolve to make disability rights your issue.

On and on.

RESOLVE.